So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
