i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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