new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My penis needs a shock collar
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
