I cockslap morals
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
