wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
