if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
