and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
