I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
