I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
