Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
