I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
