pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have aggressive nipples.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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