This is not my ceiling
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
