why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
