so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
