Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
