Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
