When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
