dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
