is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
