We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
