Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
