Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
