HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
