She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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