You're so nebulous sometimes
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
