We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
