wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
