I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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