So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
