There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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