if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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