Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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