after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
