Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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