Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
