My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
please come you make the beer taste better
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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