Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Your cock deserves a montage
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
