Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
