hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
