I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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