i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
