we're chasing vodka with high fives
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
