i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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