meet me or not, i'm out of control
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
