No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
