My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
