South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
