u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
