I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm passing your future prison.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
