I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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