morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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